More than one person has told me that I’m a strong, independent woman. And to be honest with you, I tell myself that same exact thing all the damn time. Mostly in front of the mirror when I’m wearing socks that Aunt Donna gave me that say “I am confident.” Mostly because I am trying to remind myself that I can be that person, and that we’re all just out here faking it ‘til we make it. Also because I spent far too many years as a wall flower, too shy to interact with others, and it wasn’t any fun. Perhaps most importantly, because why the fuck not?
This boat, this trip, this dream… they’ve been testing me. Normally I kick ass at tests. Just look at my GPA. I can pass a multiple choice test like a mother fucking champ. But these tests? I’m not sure if they’ve proven to me that I am a strong independent woman or not. I keep putting one foot in front of the other, but there have been more days than I’d like to admit where the anxiety wins. However, one thing that has been proven to me is that I am lucky AF to have my support system. On days when I am feeling at my lowest, I have people willing to listen, or tell me a joke, or help me figure out how many pixels my picture should be so it doesn’t crash my satellite connection and make me go prematurely grey, or buy me a glass of wine and talk to me about absolutely anything other than the boat. The only reason I have made it even this far into this nightmare dream is because of them. Which, if you’re reading this, is likely you.
And perhaps that is the reason that leaving is so difficult for me. Because all you jerks are supposed to come with me. I didn’t get here without you, so how the hell am I supposed to keep going and leave you all here? I feel like I’m being abandoned, even though I’m the one that is leaving. It feels a little weird to admit that. Because I
am supposed to be am a strong, independent woman. But one thing that has become abundantly clear, is that however strong I am is thanks to the strong people around me.
Love you all. Thanks for all of the love and encouragement and the safety net.
5 thoughts on “Warning: Sentimental post quickly approaching. Feel free to turn back now.”
Awwww you are so grown up. 😀 and the best…
❤ ❤ ❤
you are strong and confident…I knew that when you interviewed for the admin job at LCNW ( you would have been my boss) be grateful you didn’t get it! haha! This adventure will take you way beyond strong and comfortable my friend and you will be better and happier than you can imagine. Just lean a little on that goofy guy you married. luv ya both.
Someone once said if you aren’t scared then you’re not doing it right. Breaking new ground is scary, and facing it makes you brave. Still, you got me all teary eyed with your post! And I got your sweet thank you note this week. I was shocked because you said something like “who knows we always liked Seattle so maybe we’ll be back someday”. Sorry, but it never occurred to me that you wouldn’t be back. I just kind of assumed this was a trip. Now, I get it. You have your life with you and ahead of you. Who knows what the adventure will bring. You are so open to the possibilities of change in your future. It only makes sense that you would be sentimental about all of it. I know somehow that we will be crossing paths down the road or across the ocean. Either way, it will be awesome. Hang in there with all the tough stuff. You can do it. We are behind you a 100%! This is not goodbye; just farewell for now.
dear kraigle ~ sentimental is good… just thought of a children’s book idea for you. the adventures of small world — of course, it would be filled with anthropomorphic antics!